Friends

Where have all my friends gone? I know this is a weird question and I don't mean any of you reading this I mean friends out side of the computer (or ones that don't live clear across the country). I sometimes feel like I've lost myself in work and home and being a mom and wife and often don't think I fit into the friend category any more :*( why is that? And better yet how do I fix it? and even better yet how do I make new friends? The last friend I made I pretty much stalked, begged, pleaded spent a lot of time trying to befriend and haven't really found I needed or wanted friends until recently I don't know what happened. I often think while I'm at my sons school that it would be so nice to ask one of the ladies if they wanted to go to coffee but Alas I don't drink coffee and wouldn't it be weird if I watched them drink theirs' hmm ,maybe I need to start drinking coffee ??? AND AND AND even more scary what if they said NO omg I'm sure my world would crumble and life as I know it would end and then all the other moms there would just laugh at me ... "psst did you hear that monsters mom thinks shes cool enough to hang out with us MUAHAHAHAHA. Then I also wonder if I would ever fit into there worlds of staying at home when I have a full time job and my house is NEVER clean and my kids are NOT perfect angles. I don't own Uggs or have a mini van and I'm not a size 2 hell I'd love to be a size 7! I'm not on the PTA ohhh whoa is me. I would love to go out with the girls and have a drink and laugh my ass off, go shopping in the mall with out my husband behind me making sure that I know every second we are there that shopping is the bane of his existence. Right now I think some of my problem is not being confident enough in myself to actually have friends I mean that would mean I'd have to leave the house in clothes other than scrubs and I def am worried about some one making beep sounds. (for just once in my life I soooo wanna be the skinny girl!!)